Marriage is forever.......

All around us there are couples who have given up on their marriages. Just in my circle of family and friends I know of five right now. You may be reading this and you or your spouse have decided to throw in the towel. The divorce rate in North Texas is now a staggering 54%! Nobody wins in divorce...it's a sad, sad situation. I'm not saying that all marriages could be saved but I'm sure that a big percentage of that 54% could be. No doubt, it takes hard work but it starts with a WILLINGNESS TO ENDURE because it's the right thing to do according to God.

God's intent for marriage was a union for a lifetime; for eternity. Just as Christ came to show us how to love we are to love others as we are loved. Jesus went all the way, enduring the cross for us. He demonstrated such an incredible love in dying for us.

No two people are going to agree or get along 100% of the time; sometimes it seems impossible to agree even 50% of the time. But when we put God first, our spouse before ourselves and genuinly put our selfishness aside we can, with God's help, make our seemingly hopeless marriages work.

In Genesis 1, God creates man in His own image. God blessed man and woman (uniting them) and He told them, “Be fruitful and multiply. Fill the earth and subdue it. Rule over every other creature.” God ordained marriage! When the Pharisees ask Jesus whether it is lawful for a man to divorce his wife they thought that He may speak against God's law. Instead, Jesus reiterated God's law and said what God joins together, no man can separate. God's intention for us is to remain married...that's it.

If we put God first and set aside our selfish desires, the 60 hour weeks at work, the hunger for more stuff and more money, the drinking and drugs, the flirting and indiscriminate sexual relationships, etc., I truly believe we would see the high divorce rates all over our country decrease.

Many times an issue that is causing division in our marriage is really within us. We divorce and then take it from one marriage right into the next one. Other times we just can't imagine being able to forgive or forget a hurt caused by our spouse. However, we don't pray and ask God to help us to overcome it. We just want to handle it our way. We may get advice from worldly counselors instead of ever seeking God's truth and will for our marriage.

I've been in a horrible marriage. It wasn't fun and at times it was a nightmare. But, I trusted God with my marriage and He healed it, in His time. My son would tell his dad after he moved out, "Dad, you know divorce is wrong and that's not what God wants you to do." When my husband came home months later Matthew told him, "Dad, I'm so proud of you. You did the right thing! You did the honorable thing! Sometimes we have to do what is right even though the feelings aren't there." (Matthew was a wise young man :) God has truly restored and abundantly blessed our marriage.

This March we will celebrate our 31st Wedding Anniversary. I can only say that for us we did the right thing and I only hope that if you are reading this and contemplating divorce that you will think long and hard about it. Give your situation to God, pray, seek Christian counsel, put your selfish desires aside and your spouse first. Ask God to change your heart; your spouse's heart. He will! He is an amazing God. All He needs is a willing heart!! He can and will heal and bless your marriage with the most incredibly satisfying, enduring and forever love!

I Corinthians 13 4Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

1-800-WHO-RYOU

I remember when my mom and I went into her bank after my daddy died and the president of the branch came over to give her a hug and tell her how sorry he was for her loss. He took us into his office and handled everything himself. He provided personal service with kindness and compassion. You would have thought she had hundreds of thousands of dollars in his bank. He approved a signature loan for her and didn't even check her credit!!! The year was 1988.

So, what has happened in the last 20 or so years?

We've been members of a local bank for many years and I go inside the branch to handle all of my transactions but I guarantee you that nobody knows my name. I don't know their names either. It seems like everytime I go to this branch there is someone new taking my money. And, I've never seen the branch president or vice president. I don't even know who the manager is.

The other day I wanted to get some information about a home equity loan. I was told that the branches no longer handle loans of any kind. I was given a toll free number to call. I called. After entering my account number and stating my name, zip code, etc, I entered 3 for loan services. I was connected to Sara. Sara proceeded to tell me that I had the wrong department and that I would need to call back and enter the correct number for loan services. I was sure that I entered it correctly the first time. And, of course, she was unable to connect me back to the voice response system. So, I called again. Went through the same rigamarole and, this time, I never made it to a live person. I was disconnected. I gave up.

I wondered where the call center was located; Texas, Montana, India?? For sure, I knew that if I had ever been successful in getting through to loan services they wouldn't know my name. They wouldn't care about how good of a customer we've been for the past 10 years. They wouldn't know, nor would they care, about the tragic loss of our son or about my recent job loss. They wouldn't know me and I wouldn't know them.

I'm not sure exactly when this lack of personal service started but I don't like it at all. I want to sit down with someone face to face to discuss our financial situation and our current needs. Someone who is familiar with our accounts and our good credit history would be ideal. I want them to know I'm more than just a bank account number or a credit score. I want them to be able to provide all the services we need, from a money order to a loan, right there in our branch. Is that just asking too much? Seriously, do they even have a branch manager, vice president or president on the premises? I'm going to ask next time I'm there.

In the meantime, while I sulk, I'll be searching for an old fashioned bank to give our business to. One with a personable, friendly and consistent staff and a manager whom we can shake hands with; maybe even hug one day when we get to know each other better. I know there has to be a bank like this somewhere out there. Hopefully closer than the small nearby towns like Lavon or Blue Ridge, 30 minutes away from our house. That would be a pain!

Trusting God with everything!

Do you find yourself praying for God's intervention in a situation and then you later take back from Him the very thing you asked Him to handle for you? I struggle with this at times. But, I'm so thankful that God continues to prove Himself over and over again to me in this area. He never loses His patience with me but lovingly reminds me of His power time and time again.

My dad was never in Alcoholics Anonymous but for some reason he loved that serenity prayer that is recited at every AA meeting. When he was sick and dying with brain cancer he would say it.....

God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
To change the things I can,
And the wisdom to know the difference.

I think there is more to it than that but that's all daddy ever used to say. He was facing death but I had never seen him so strong. The doctors told him there was nothing else that could be done. He made his peace with God and a few of his loved ones here on earth and that was that. He trusted God. He wasn't stressing out looking for another doctor, a clinical trial or some other new drug. He just seemed okay with dying. I couldn't believe it.

I remember asking him why he wasn't afraid. He told me that he had been through war, in battle, and, after seeing that, nothing was scary to him. I don't know when daddy was ever in a real battle. He was stationed in North Africa at the end of WWII and he was a photographer. At least he was never in the trenches, on the front line. That's what I pictured when he told me he had been through war. Daddy was quite the joker!! But, it was obvious to me that he wasn't scared to die, no matter what he thought had prepared him for it.

That year, 1988, I witnessed exactly what it meant to trust God with everything. My daddy loved my mom, his kids and his grandkids. This was not what he expected...to die at age 64. I'm sure that he thought he would live into his 70s, for sure, maybe 80s. He wasn't mad at God. He remained positive about his treatment until the day he began to slip into a coma, two days after Christmas.

I was 31 years old and spent much of my time that year by his side. I was fortunate enough to be able to quit my job to help my mom take care of him and give her a break when she needed one. I wouldn't trade that time for anything. Seeing the strong faith of my mom throughout my dad's terminal illness really impressed me. I knew that if my mom and dad could deal with this tragedy without falling completely apart, I could handle anything.

In 1997 I watched my sweet, loving mom fight gall bladder cancer. It was horrible. She suffered much more than daddy did. Gall bladder, or any type of intestinal cancer, is extremely painful. Yet, through it all, mom stayed faithful. She was more vocal about her faith in God than daddy was. I remember one day she said to me, "Theresa, promise me, when I get too weak to lift my hands to praise the Lord, that you will lift them for me." I'll never forget that. How she loved her Lord.

Both mom and daddy fought their cancer; doing what the doctors said to do. I know that they prayed to God for guidance and they always put their lives in God's hands. When the time came and they knew there was nothing left to do, they had a peace about things that only comes from giving it all to God; trusting Him with it all!

During the past 19 months as I've dealt with Matthew's murder, I've so often thought of my mom and dad and the resolve they had about their circumstances. They knew that almighty God was totally in control. It wasn't ever an "Okay, I give up, God" thing (after trying over and over again to handle things; change things) but a PRO-ACTIVE "I give it all to you, God" thing. I've learned that there is a huge difference.

Trusting God means giving your problems to Him BEFORE you tire yourself out trying to handle them yourself. That's the important part of TRUSTING Him. Trusting that HE can and will handle your "stuff" for you. Trusting Him also means that we don't take it back once we've given it to Him. That we don't fret or worry about the "stuff" He's handling for us.

What a valuable lesson I learned from my parents about trusting God in every situation in life. Through every trial and every difficult circumstance in my life, I know for certain that God is in control. I can trust Him with everything!