Mother's Day 2010 *sigh*

For weeks now, I've been dreading this coming Sunday, Mother's Day. I guess the loss of Matthew was too new last year, on Mother's Day, for me to really FEEL the emptiness I'm feeling now. I was still in the shock stage of grief.

I'm a mother to no one now. Well, I will always be known as "Matthew's mother"; I get that. However, there is no one left in this world that will ever hug me and tell me "I love you MOM!!", or give me a card wishing me a "Happy Mother's Day". And, that sucks!! It sucks to even go to the grocery store and walk past the card aisle. It sucks to turn on the TV and hear all the ads for Mother's Day sales, Mother's Day flowers bouquets, etc.

You know, I was told, after Matthew died, that the second year after a death of a loved one, especially a child, is more difficult to get through than the first year. I know exactly what that means now. The reality is hitting hard that this is what life will be for the rest of my life. That sucks too!!

Remember, always, that your children are a gift from God and DO NOT EVER take them for granted. Spend lots and lots of time with them. Smother them with affection. Life is so short and many times....just downright unfair. It is a nightmare to have your child die before you. That's just not the way it's supposed to happen. But, we will never know the future. So, hang on tight to your kiddos and shower them with all the love you have to give. Love them just as God loves you!!

Please remember to say a special prayer this Mother's Day for all the great moms who have lost children. There are many, many moms who will be spending some time this special Mother's Day sobbing and clinging tightly to an urn filled with the ashes of their precious child or standing and weeping over their only son's grave. Yep....it pretty much sucks that I'll be one of them.