I've been a busy, busy girl ;)

Can't believe that my last post was in July...here it is already November!! When I last blogged, I knew that Jamie and Daniel were looking to move over to this area. As I wrote then, I prayed that God would make a way for that to happen. I missed my grandbabies so very much when they lived on the other side of the world (not really, but it seemed like it).

HUGE SHOUT OUT TO GOD. HE not only made a way for them to move 10 minutes down the road from us but we now have them with us every day while Jamie and Daniel work. We are home schooling them and just loving it!! What an amazing blessing:)

Indescribable, Amazing, GOD!!!!

If you don't ask....

Let me just begin by saying that, for the past year, I haven't complained much (haha) about my little grandbabies, and Jamie and Daniel living on the other side of the world (well, in Duncanville and Midlothian to be honest). God only knows how many prayers I've sent up asking Him to make a way for the kiddos to live closer to us.

You see, with Matthew Sr. gone, it would be very easy for Jamie and Daniel to put Mike and I on the back burner; to place little priority on our relationship with Matthew's kiddos. We could easily be little more than strangers to our own grankids. It happens all the time; I can't imagine. But, thank God it is quite the opposite. We are so very blessed that Jamie and Daniel are standing in the gap that was left when Matthew went home to be with the Lord. The kids come to spend the night with us often, they call us and send us letters in the mail :) We thank God for every minute we have with them.

But, to have our little angels up in our neck of the woods is just what I've been asking God for. And, He's answering my prayers!! Jamie and Daniel are looking for a home in the area and I couldn't be more excited for them...and for us!!

Matthew loved his family so much. I know that he would want nothing more than for his kiddos to have close relationships with his side of the family. He would want them to learn all about their heritage so that they may pass it on to their children. Litte Matthew told me the other day that when he grows up and has a son, he is going to name him Matthew Garrett Butler, Jr. :) It would actually be the III but it would make us so happy if he did that. I had to laugh when McKayla announced that she was going to name her little girl McKayla Grace Butler, Jr. LOL

My son, in his efforts to encourage me to pray for all my needs, so often told me, "Mom, if you don't ask, you won't receive. And, when you ask, you need to believe God will answer your prayers!" So, this week, I was encouraged again. Lord, I will never stop lifting my requests up to YOU and I will wait patiently for your answers!!

Psalms 62:5 My soul, wait thou only upon God; for my expectation is from him.

Pass It On

Life is so short. Matthew always reminded me just how short. He would tell me that our lives here are just blinks in the eye of God.

So, when you take your last breath on this earth will you be remembered as a person who truly loved God and DEMONSTRATED that love to others? When you meet your Heavenly Father will He say to you, "Well done my good and faithful servant!!"

Are you living your life to please God? Do you invest time pursuing a relationship with your Abba Father by reading your Bible, praying, praising God, etc? Do you spend any time at all sharing Jesus with others and helping others on their journey through life?

OR, instead, do you spend your life in pursuit of money and material stuff that will only provide you with a temporary happiness?

It's easy to do. We are so bombarded with messages that make us think we HAVE TO HAVE the latest and greatest whatever to be really happy! But, when I'm tempted to live selfishly, I simply have to remember all of stories people have shared with me about Matthew in the last couple of years.

I knew my son loved God. I knew he loved people. But, I am blown away by the stories I continually hear about Matthew. Stories of how he gave away his last $5.00 to someone because they needed gas, stories of how he bought a total stranger lunch at the deli in downtown Garland and told them that he just wanted to bless them, and how he picked up a homeless man and brought him home to live with him and his family. Then there are the stories from the people he regulary visited in downtown Garland. One Garland businessman recently told me that whenever Matthew would stop in to visit the conversation would inevitably turn to Jesus and what the Lord was doing in Matthew's life at that time. I love hearing the stories. It only proves that God was so real to Matthew. He was alive and working in Matthew's life.

Matthew truly DEMONSTRATED his love for Jesus....especially the last several years of his life. I watched Matthew grow leaps and bounds spiritually as a result of the time he spent reading his Bible, praying, and worshipping God.

But, one of the most important changes in Matthew's life the last few years was that he began to realize the importance of having Godly mentors in his life. These men cared enough to invest their time in Matthew's life and to help him on his journey. They knew the importance of demonstrating their love to others. I thank God everyday for them!!!

I encourage you today to make a difference in this world; in the lives of others! Let people see Jesus through you. Demonstrate the love of God to the world! Pass it on!!

Finder's Keeper's

Little Matthew, McKayla and I were having dinner one night last week at Salis Pizza near our house. The owner knew my Matthew from the time he was a kid and I wanted to show off Matthew's beautiful kids.

As we were leaving, McKayla found a cheap little dolly hat in front of the restaurant. I didn't think a thing about it when she asked me if she could have it. I didn't think anyone would come looking for it. We put it in my purse.

When we got home, she asked me to get it out of my purse. Little Matthew immediately says, "Ummmmmmmm...you shouldn't take things Ninaw." I told him that it was on the ground and I didn't know who it belonged to. "Somebody, I don't know who, lost it and I'm sure they won't be looking for it." He insisted that it was wrong that I allowed McKayla to take that dolly hat. I said, "Matthew, I guess you are right. Ninaw just thought since we found it on the floor and nobody was around it was ok. I didn't think about someone coming back to get it." He gives me this look like he was so very disappointed in me and McKayla. Then he tells me, "Ninaw, the Bible says taking things is wrong. The Bible does not say FINDER's KEEPER's, LOSER's WEEPER's!!!!"

Yep, he's just 4 years old!! I told him he was right and that I would take it to the restaurant and leave it there in the lost and found, if they had one. I haven't taken it back yet, but I am going to this week. :)

I have been feeling really guilty ever since that day last week. I've been thinking a lot about how my little granson felt the need to tell me what the Bible says about what I did. He is something else!!!

And, he's 100% right! It doesn't matter that I thought the dolly hat was cheap and of no real value. It wasn't ours to take. It could have been some little girl's only dolly hat. Her mommy and daddy or grandma and grandpa may have come back for it that night, only to be told that nobody had turned in a dolly hat.

*sigh* I should be ashamed of myself. I'm taking that dolly hat to Salis first thing tomorrow!

Two years now

Saturday, June 19, 2010 marked the two year anniversary of our precious son's murder. During the past two years, I have often wondered if the pain would really get any better. Everyone assures me that it does get better. Well, it hasn't yet, and I don't believe it ever will until Demarius Cummings gets his just punishment!!

The hole in my heart scabbed over a bit during the first year. The punishment of James Broadnax in August of 2009 helped. But, for the past two years, everytime I think about Demarius Cummings, the other killer, not being tried for killing my son and Steve, someone might as well be scratching that scab right off of my wounded heart.

For me, healing the incredibly painful wound in my heart can not possibly begin until justice is served for Demarius Cummings. Cummings has to be tried and punished for his part in the evil, senseless and heartless acts of violence that night. Broadnax and Cummings took a huge piece of my heart on June 19, 2008.

My amazing son, Matthew, who was so very passionate about life, loving God and loving and helping others, ceased to exist on this earth that night. My sweet, precious little guy, whom I gave birth to and cared for all of his life, took his last breath about 1am while bleeding to death on the hard concrete parking lot in front of his recording studio...the studio he dreamed about for most of his adult life. The dreams he had...shattered. His sweet wife and their two little babies...vanished from his eyes. The family that he loved so much...separated from. Because TWO, not ONE, scum of the earth, low-life thieves decided that killing two wonderful men, men of God, men who cared enough to even stop and talk to them, was their only solution to obtaining a "ride" back to their rat hole apartment in the Junction in East Dallas.

As Cummings said during his jailhouse interview, "...I didn't know he was gonna' shoot 'em; You nahemsane....well, I take that back...I tole him he might has to pop 'em a few times...". It was THEIR grand plan to steal Steve's car by asking Steve for a cigarette to distract him. They BOTH planned to shoot Steve and Matthew a few times, at close range, so they could get the car keys and steal their wallets. Broadnax just took it a little farther when he continued shooting them so that he could, as he said during his jailhouse interview, "....make sure dey was dead.." But, Cummings PLANNED to rob and shoot both Matthew and Steve. Cummings is just as guilty. You may be asking why Cummings is still sitting in our Dallas County Jail, two years after the murders, having visitors, watching TV, enjoying his commissary items, playing basketball, getting phone calls, etc! Good question!!


Maybe Craig Watkins could answer that question since he's the one that told us the DAs office didn't have the money to take this murdering thief to trial. Maybe he could give us a good answer...that is, IF we could get him, or anyone else in the Dallas County DAs office to return our phone calls or our email.

I'm waiting patiently for my wounded heart to heal a bit more. Broadnax, although he is on death row, still exists...for now. But, at least I know he will never get out of jail to hurt anyone else. I feel a peace about that. Cummings will most likely NOT ever be given the death penalty if/when he does face trial. But, that's for a jury to decide. We should have the right to insist on a jury trial for Cummings. It is very disturbing to me that he has yet to be tried and punished. It's been TWO YEARS NOW!!! Could he possibly be one of the violent offenders that Mr. Watkins chooses to grant early release to one day in the future? Maybe...it could happen!! Craig Watkins has no problem granting early release to violent criminals to reduce overcrowding in our jails. And, that scares me.

By the way, Cummings is not the gentle, innocent boy that he portrayed himself to be during his jailhouse interview. He had been in trouble before; been violent before. Remember, it was his idea to, "...take the train to Garland to rob some rich, white folks...." that night. He planned for his cousin to do his dirty work though so he could say, "...I want folks to know I didn't kill anyone..."

Well, TO HELL WITH YOU, DEMARIUS CUMMINGS!!! I am 100% sure that Matthew and Steve would be alive today had you not made your suggestion to your idiot cousin (as you walked away from Matthew and Steve that night), "....it's a long damn walk home to the Junction...this could be our chance to get us a ride....you might has to pop 'em a few times...." I SAY, TO HELL WITH YOU, CUMMINGS!!! Okay, if not hell, then you need to be given life in prison without the possibility of parole....EVER!!!!

I ask you, when will Demarius Cummings get his punishment, Mr. Watkins? I would like to finally be able to know what it feels like to "GET BETTER".