Another "Christ Incidence"

My son, Matthew, and I were very close. He was the sweetest little boy a mother could hope for. Matthew was friendly, personable, generous and always thought of others first...even when he was very young.

I remember one day, I guess Matthew was about 9 years old, when his best friend's mom called and asked if she could stop by. She said she needed to talk to me about something Matthew had done. Not the kind of phone call a mother wants to get. Of course, I immediately thought Matthew had hurt her son, or broke one of his toys or something. After all, Matthew was a normal little guy and far from perfect. The ten minutes it took her to get to my house seemed more like an hour. I was giving Matthew the third degree trying to find out what he had possibly done to her little boy. Matthew was a nervous wreck. So was I!!

As she walked up the walkway to the front porch, I noticed a familiar bag in her hand. It was an ammo bag from my husband's Civil War collection. Oh no, I thought, Matthew gave this little boy his dad's old civil war ammunition?? Why would he do that??

I answered the door and invited my friend to have a seat in the living room. Matthew was in his room with the door tightly closed. I am sure that he peeked out the window as she walked up the walkway and he knew exactly what this little meeting was about.

Earlier that day, Matthew's friend had taken the bag to his mom to show her what Matthew had given "them". You see, her husband had just left her and she lost her job. She was struggling financially and her son had shared some of their struggles with my son. In the bag....rolls of quarters, taken from our closet; $50.00 worth of quarters. Not much. I didn't know what to say. It was a very uncomfortable situation. How could I take that money back from her? But, how could I offer it to her without offending her?

I remember, so clearly, the anger I felt upon finding out that Matthew had stolen from us. But, that feeling quickly diminished. He was wrong to take that money without asking us first but how could I be so angry with him for being so generous and compassionate and wanting to help his friend's family?

Matthew was a bit spoiled. I admit it. He was used to having his needs and many of his "wants" met. But, I believe that when a child grows up seeing generousity, he will become more generous. Matthew had such a loving and giving heart!! He often gave his toys away. However, this was the first time he had ever given something away that didn't belong to him. I knew that I had to deal with that.

Matthew's little friend's mom thought the gesture was so sweet and asked that I not be too hard on Matthew. She shared a little bit of her struggles with me and I told her she was more than welcome to keep the money. She refused. Her parents were sending her some money, she said.

The minute the front door closed Matthew's bedroom door slowly opened. I will never forget the look on his face as he walked down the hallway toward the living room. He was scared but was ready to admit what he had done. We sat down on the sofa and I gave him a hug. I told him how wrong it was to take something that wasn't yours to take. We talked about trust. We talked about forgiveness. Matthew said he was sorry but he was much more concerned with his friend's mom's situation. He asked why I didn't give her any money to help her. He was genuinely concerned about this family. Although it wasn't a good thing that he took the quarters from us, I was actually very thankful for this situation. That day, I saw, in my little boy, the most compassionate and generous soul.

I never had to have another talk with Matthew about trust. He never took anything from us again without asking. Even as a teenager, he never helped himself to money in my wallet or money that was sitting around the house. Matthew did, however, continue to get pretty much anything he wanted. But, as spoiled as he might have been, until the day he died, he would so often give away his "stuff" because he wanted to make others happy; bring joy to their lives and put smiles on their faces. During the last few years of his life, he gave so much of his time and of the little money that he had to those in need.

After Matthew's death, I heard from one of his friends that Matthew gave him the last $10.00 in his wallet so he could get some gas to make it home from the studio one night. And, just the other day, a complete stranger walked up to me in the Home Depot parking lot and told me that he used to work for Matthew and how Matthew gave, so generously, of his time to help him get started in the music business. Matthew had given him an internship at the studio months before he was murdered. He was going to teach him all that he knew about audio engineering. This young man told me that Matthew was the kindest, most generous guy he had ever met in his life. He also told me that what he loved the most about my son was that you didn't have to talk to him for long to know how much he loved Jesus. I thanked him so much for taking the time to share his feelings about my son with me.

Nothing makes me more proud than when I hear these stories, even years after Matthew's death; stories of Matthew's generousity, his kindness and concern for others. I am a very proud mom. I drove away from Home Depot with a smile on my face and a thankful heart for another one of these "Christ Incidences".

Almost 2 years...running my race...

The 19th of this month, 22 months ago, my sweet son, Matthew Garrett Butler, Sr. and his friend, Steve Swan were murdered during a random robbery as they left Matthew's recording studio. The killers, who were captured in Texarkana a couple of days later, said they rode the train to Garland to rob some rich white folks. They got $2.00 from Steve's wallet and stole his very old car. The police knocked on our door around 2:30am; they believe the boys were shot around 12:30am. Our lives forever changed that morning. Never did I think that anything could hurt so much. Each and every day my heart breaks for my son and his little family. His two babies, Matthew Jr. and McKayla, don't really remember much about their daddy Matthew. They were only 2 and 1/2 and 1 and 1/2 when he was killed. They do surprise me sometimes when they say things, out of the blue, about him. They are the joys of our lives now. Nothing will ever replace our son, our only child, but having these two little angels in our lives definitely makes life easier to bear.

People continue to ask me how I get out of bed every morning. They say that they can't imagine losing a child. They think that they would not be able to continue on with life. Many days I don't feel like getting up and continuing on with my life but I know that I have to. I know that God has a plan for my life and that Matthew would not want me to stop running the race that God has set before me. I have been knocked down but not defeated. I will never stop running!!

The last few years of Matthew's life, often when we talked, he would ask me, "Mom, what have you done for God today?" Since he's been gone, I ask myself that question each and every night before I close my eyes. Not to boast; only to be aware that I am here on this earth for a reason. I'm not here to make myself happy, gather up a bunch of material stuff, be a good person, etc. I'm here to be a witness...to demonstrate to others what being a follower of Christ really is and to lead others to Christ.

Matthew did just that. He lived for eternity. He made a difference in this world. He was a bold witness for the Gospel of Jesus Christ. So many people have reached out to me through email, Facebook, myspace, etc. They tell me how Matthew made an impact on their life. It's difficult to accept that God's plan was for Matthew to live only 28 and 1/2 years but I know that it's true. God knew exactly that Matthew would come home to be with him that morning. He knew it way before Matthew was born. It's hard to understand but I believe it.

For weeks before Matthew was killed, every morning, Jamie told me that he read Psalms 23 to her. Sometimes he would say it in his own words; sometimes he would cry when he read it. He wrote a long list to Jamie...a list of "to-do's"; a how to live your life list, just a few weeks before he died. The day that he was killed, earlier that evening, he told Jamie that he was ready to go home to be with the Lord; that this life was tough and he missed his Oma and Opa.

People ask me if I thought that Matthew knew he was going to die that morning. No, I don't think so. I think that Matthew knew his time on this earth was short. He said that many times. It was like his heart longed for eternity the last few years of his life. He grew so close to his Heavenly Father and I think he just longed to be with Him. He loved Jesus and was such an example to everyone who knew him.

Mike and I count our blessings every day that we got to have Matthew for 28 and 1/2 years. We hear, all the time, about little children who never got a chance to live their lives. Just the other day, a 6 year old little boy was found dead near Lake Lavon. Nobody even reported him missing and I don't think anyone has claimed him yet. You don't have to surf the cable channels for very long to see crime TV shows about little children who are missing and believed to be dead; murdered. So, although Matthew died very young, he was able to live a good life. He was living his dream...the studio, a wife, two precious little ones and a faith so strong that he couldn't stand to keep it to himself. He wanted everyone he met to know this Jesus that changed his life and made it possible for him to live for eternity. Sharing the Gospel was his passion!

Yes, my life will never be the same because of the two creeps who decided they would make a trip to Garland to rob some rich white folks on June 19, 2008. No, it's not fair and I still cry every day; I still wonder why God would have allowed this to happen. I still get mad at God sometimes, but I know He understands. After all, He had to watch His son suffer tremendously and die a horrible death. But, oh, for a great reason!!!

One day, because of Christ Jesus' sacrifice on the cross, I will see my son again. I'll step from this earth into eternity with my Heavenly Father, my mom and dad, other loved ones that have gone before me and my beautiful, precious, loving son. What a day of rejoicing that will be!!!!