I will never leave you or forsake you

From my myspace.com blog 10/24/2009:

When you lose your only child in a tragic, random, senseless murder, you can't help but wonder where God was and why He wasn't protecting your child. After all, Matthew's safety is what I prayed for all of his life...even before he was born. I always thought that God gave us the desires of our hearts, and when we prayed, believed and asked Him for those desires, He would give them to us.....because He put them there in the first place. Or, so was taught. I've wondered about this since Matthew was murdered last June.I believed that if I lifted Matthew, and all my loved ones, up to God and prayed for their safety that God would protect them. I've wondered why I should even bother to pray for my loved ones if there is already a plan for their life and God knows the future anyway. I've wondered why God brought Matthew through so much and protected him from so much to just suddenly allow this tragedy to happen. I've been told that God had a purpose for Matthew's untimely death. I've wondered about that too.I don't think that God allowed Matthew's death so that John Doe would be saved. Why would God take the joy of this life away from Matthew. He did nothing to deserve this. Matthew loved God; he loved Jamie and his two little babies. He loved his family. He loved his friends. He was working to build God's kingdom by sharing the Gospel with everyone he met. Why would God allow Matthew to die when He could have protected him from harm that night? He is God, for heaven's sake....He could have saved Matthew's life so that Matthew could have enjoyed being a father, serving the Lord, loving his family and friends, sharing the Gospel with the lost, growing old together with Jamie, etc, etc, etc!!!! So....I've spent a good portion of the last 16 months wondering about all of this and I can't figure any of it out. I've prayed and asked God for answers....He hasn't told me why. I have no answers. I will never know why Matthew's life ended at the young age of 28. I will never know if God had some bigger reason for allowing Matthew's life to end that night. However.... Some things I do know for certain....God loved Matthew, God was there when he took his last breath on this earth and it must have saddened Him. I know that God loves me, AND...He is still right here beside me, walking with me each and every day, strengthening me when I am weak and offering me comfort and peace from this chaos. And, I've decided that that's all I need now....peace and comfort!!! What I've been doing is trying to lean on my own understanding. So, I give up and put all the wondering to rest!! I give it to God every morning when I wake up. I trust in the Lord with my whole heart, soul and mind and believe His promise that He has never left me and will never forsake me. When I let go and let God...I feel His presence; the peace and comfort that only He provides. He is truly an amazing and wonderous God!!!