Last Words

The last time I spoke to my son, it was about 6pm on Wednesday, June 18th, 2008. He was murdered about 12:30am the next morning, on Thursday, June 19, 2008.

That Wednesday evening, on my way home from work, I called just to see how Matthew, Jamie and the kiddos were doing. (We used to talk several times a day.) Matthew said he was tired and a little down but that he would get through it. I told him I understood; I sort of felt the same way. He said he was playing in the floor with his "kiddos", as he lovingly referred to them. He told me a little about his afternoon...that he met with the pastor of First Baptist Dallas. He was very excited about giving his time to ministry work at the church. He spoke so highly of the pastor; he thought it was great that the pastor of a church with 13,000 members would take time to visit with him.

He told me that Steve and him were going to meet at the studio that night to finish mastering the symphony orchestra recording that they had just recorded on Father's Day weekend. I could tell that his voice changed as he spoke about his plans for the night. He loved his work. He was living his dream! We hung up but right before we said goodbye Matthew encouraged me and we told each other "I love you". It's just what we always did.

Never in a million years did I think that would be the last time I spoke to Matthew.

Today, as I drove up Central Expressway after taking our grandbabies, Matthew Jr. and McKayla, home to Duncanville a big, huge SUV pulled over into my lane. We both were going about 60mph. Thankfully, the driver did not pull over quickly so I had a split second to check out the next lane and swerve over. Thank God a car was not in that lane. I know this all sounds like it was not that big of a deal but, trust me, it was. He was only a couple of feet in front of me in the next lane when he pulled over. Had I not been paying close attention, I wouldn't have seen him and he, for sure, didn't see me so it could have been a horrible accident. My heart has never raced so fast; my entire body was shaking. In 36 years of driving I've never had anything so frightening happen to me. I thought I was going to have to pull over. I could have been killed; gone in an instant.

For most of the remainder of my trip home all I could think about was my last conversation with Matthew the night before he died. I thought about my conversation with my hubby, Mike, earlier that morning as he was leaving for work. And, then, I recalled a conversation I had about "last conversations" with someone just last week.

I was telling this very opinionated person, who shall remain anonymous, how important I think it is to always be mindful that your conversation with your loved one could be your last. I was sharing why I believe it's so important to always say "I love you" and to never, ever be angry when your conversation ends.

The response I got was, "Oh, come on, you know that that is just unreasonable!! You can't go through your life thinking every time you talk to your loved one it may be your last time. They know that you love them anyway...you shouldn't always have to tell them you love them. And, people just argue and fight. You're not always going to get along." I tried to understand this point of view. But, I didn't agree then and, today....I have to say....that I couldn't disagree more.

Words may not matter to you; you may think that it's impossible to always get along; you too may think I'm being unreasonable. You may not think that it's important to consider that your conversation with your loved one just may be your last one, well.....you are certainly entitled to your opinion.

But, as for Mike and I... our lives changed forever when we lost Matthew. Since Matthew's death, we simply no longer sweat the small stuff. We absolutely get along great now. 1 Corinthians 13:4 is paramount in our lives now. We never part without a kiss, a hug and an "I love you". In fact, those were our last words to each other this morning as Mike left for work. Words that, I know, would have always been lovingly remembered by Mike as our last words to each other had my life ended today. This very scary, could have been fatal accident, reinforces why I believe what I believe and why I do what I do. It's important to love, to get along, to NOT sweat the small stuff, to live today like it's your last day, to never depart angry or let the sun go down while you're angry, to kiss more, to hug more and to always, always say the words, "I love you". It's just what we do now.

1 Corinthians 13:4Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.